An Ironic Kind of Love
by VisualZero
Summary: Kyouya and Nile are deeply in love with each other - and by love, I mean constantly at each other's throats, ripping each other apart with insults and making out at every possible opportunity. KyouyaxNile
1. Love is in the Air

**All MFB fics moved to this account.**

**I love this couple! Kyouya's a little crazier than usual but sure…**

* * *

Why is absolutely everyone I know crazy? Seriously, do I have some kind of weirdo magnet that I'm unaware of that attracts these psychos to me? I mean; I knew HE was a special case – he once jumped into a freaking sandstorm! – but I didn't realize his friends were just as bad.

'…WHAT in the name of Ra are you doing…' This is what I ask Gingka, Masamune and Benkei, who are all huddling around a hastily drawn chalk circle and strange-looking electronic device.

'We're summoning a ghost!' The fat one tells me, as the others nod vehemently.

'I had a feeling this place has been haunted for a while now, so we're trying to make the ghost come out so we can talk to it and maybe Beyblade and stuff.' Gingka says.

'Of course. A spirit from another realm crosses over to our world solely for the purpose of playing with a children's spinning top.'

'Anyway, you might want to mark yourself with a protective seal, Nile, because if this goes wrong then we might accidentally trap your soul in another dimension.' Masamune says, handing me a Sharpie.

'Absolutely no need to worry about that, gingers like him have no fucking souls anyway.' I feel an arm snake around my shoulder and turn to face HIM – Kyouya.

'Fuck you.' I wriggle out of his arms.

'In one hundred years gingers will be extinct,' He announces, pulling me against him. 'I think it's important we start reproducing now.'

'Two guys can't make a baby, jackass!'

'Okay, so let's just fuck anyway.' He begins to nuzzle and kiss my neck – that bastard knows full well I can't resist him when he does that!

The others, meanwhile, stand there looking slightly creeped out.

'Go summon your ghost.' I bat a hand at them, hoping they'll leave.

They don't.

I wonder what it says for our relationship that this is physically the closest we've been all day?

'Umm, Kyouya? Nile? What are you guys doing on the floor?' Madoka asks, expression torn between concern and troubled.

'Nile is my prisoner until he admits he's my bitch.'

Yep, pinned to the floor by the freakishly strong, blue-haired psychopath because about twenty minutes ago, for absolutely no God damn reason, he just tackled me onto my back and forced himself on top of me.

Still, even if it is completely ridiculous there IS something feverishly exciting about this position…

'Kyouya, sweetie, listen carefully. There is no way on God's green earth I will ever, in any way, shape, or form, admit I am 'your bitch'.'

'Well then, guess we're going to be here a very long time.'

I eventually managed to get him off me by spitting in his face and kicking him in the balls. Who says love is dead?

'Get the fuck back here! I wasn't finished with you! In fact, I hadn't even started!'

Knew I couldn't outrun him for long so sprinted outside where I'd earlier seen an old tree house. I started to climb up the ladder only to find the wide eyes of Yuu and Kenta staring at me.

'We're spies!' Kenta informs me cheerfully.

'Actually we're sitting in what's probably the worst constructed treehouse ever and pretending to be spies, because Tsubasa is too cheap to buy us real toys.' Yuu corrects. 'Why is Kyouya chasing you?'

'Because he's crazy. I don't know…' I sigh and start dragging up the robe ladder just as Kyouya reached the trunk of the tree.

'Oh, real smart hiding place, Nile! You think I can't climb trees?'

Actually, as there were no low hanging branches I genuinely didn't think he could. He scratches his head, stumped for a minute, and then the idiot actually starts _ramming his body _into the tree.

'Nile, is Kyouya your boyfriend?' Kenta suddenly asks, catching me off guard.

'Hmm, well I wouldn't say that… I'd rather hoped any person I went out with was at least somewhat sane of mind…' My voice trails off as the tree continues to shake every few seconds.

'Kyouya, knock it off! Tsubasa says there's a nest in this tree and if you keep that up you've make it fall!' Yuu yells out the window.

Almost exactly as he speaks, a clump of brown falls from a high branch – Kyouya leaps out of the way, staring at the sad mess on the ground.

'Kyouya, Tsubasa's gonna kill you!' Yuu puts his head in his hands.

I smirk, sit back and wave at Kyouya, who gives me the finger. I think I'm safe for now.

Out of sheer curiosity, I sneak around the back to check what Gingka and all done about the alleged ghost. I find all three of them inside on the sofa, scoffing popcorn and watching TV.

'So what kind of Bey did your ghost have afterwards?' I ask, leaning against the door.

'Oh, we gave up on that after, like, ten minutes.' Gingka answers, not even turning to look at me.

That is true dedication, that is.

Suddenly, two strong arms grab me and begin to drag me backwards.

'Get the fuck off! Guys! It's the ghost! He's dragging me back to the underworld!'

'Nile, relax. It's just Kyouya.' Masamune says. Yeah, no shit, I genuinely thought there was a real fucking ghost – oh, never mind…

'I think I'd rather travel to the Underworld than go with you.' I growl.

He gives me a sloppy kiss and grins.

'You're fucking sexy when you're angry.'

'Don't flatter yourself! I'm mildly irritated at most!'

He's not listening; he's just started dragging me in the direction of his bedroom…

Making out. He kisses like he blades – giving it his absolutely all, attacking wildly, passionately…

'Kyouya, stop biting!'

'Fucking take it, you pansy!'

He suddenly knocks me backwards onto the couch, and I find myself in the same position I'd been trying to avoid all day. Still, this way is a lot more comfortable.

'Kyouya…?' I suddenly break away, holding him at a short distance. He wipes his mouth – lovely, absolutely fucking Romeo and Juliet standard, this is – and stares at me.

'Whaat?' He asks, annoyed.

'I just… I want you to tell me you love me!'

He stares at me for a second, and then burst out laughing.

'Oh fuck; you're serious! Alright then, I'll tell you I love you for a blowjob.'

'Oh, y'know what, just go fuck yourself…' I growl, trying to push him away, but he grabs both my arms and gently pins me against the back of the couch.

'But it's so much more fun when you do it…' He purrs, kissing me again, this time more softly. I relax in his arms, and kiss him back. He's absolutely crazy but he's mine. All mine.

If you review, I'll update faster /SHOT/


	2. Happy Anniversary

**Sorry it took so long to update! My cousin came down to stay for a bit, so I didn't get any time to write. Thank you to everyone who reviewed or even just read chapter one! Here's hoping you'll like chapter two just as much… American money, because I don't know how Japanese money works, sorry…**

* * *

**(Nile)**

Oh, that absolutely fucking does it.

He is a DEAD MAN.

'KYOUA TATEGAMI I AM NEVER TALKING TO YOU AGAIN AS LONG AS I LIVE.'

'Whatever, Nile, can you keep it down? I'm trying to watch TV.'

I sit there fuming for a grand total of three minutes before loosing my patience and exploding in his face.

'ARE YOU KIDDING ME? NOTHING? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING? THIS DAY IS IN NO WAY SIGNIFICANT TO YOU WHATSOEVER?'

'Mmm… Wait, did you say something?'

'YOU ARE A FUCKING ASS! I HOPE YOU DIE! MAY THE CURSE OF GODS' BE PLACED UPON YOU, MAY YOU LOOSE ALL YOUR SENSE AND MAY YOUR DICK SHRIVEL UP AND FALL OFF!'

I get up to storm out of the room, leaving that BASTARD behind with a very confused expression on his face.

'…Nile? If it fell off you couldn't suck me off… Wait, are you mad at me?'

**ONE. HOUR. LATER!**

'Hey, Nile? Are you still in a total piss?'

'FUCK OFF!'

'_Someone's_ on her period. What's wrong with you, ginger?' He crawls onto the bed beside me, and attempts to stroke my shoulder.

'Don't touch me!' I snap, shoving his hand away. He tilts his head, mouth hanging stupidly open.

'The FUCK is up your ass? …I take it no to oral right now?'

'You're absolutely correct, dipshit and also you can go to hell.' I turn over so I'm facing the wall and not looking at him.

'…WHAT IS FUCKING WRONG WITH YOU? What did I do?'

I growl and twist around furiously.

'It's not what you did do, it's what you didn't do! What is today, Kyouya?'

He stares at me and scratches his head. 'Fuck if I know… Tuesday?'

'Relieved as I am you have finally learned the days of the week, today is a little more momentous than that. It is our anniversary Kyouya! Our one-month anniversary! We have been going out one whole month and you – you – YOU HAVE MADE ABSOLUTELY NO EFFORT TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT!'

Silence.

'Wait… You and I are going out?'

I slap him, insulted by the shock in his voice.

'YES WE ARE GOING OUT, DUMBASS!'

'Well, sor-_ry_! I thought we were just fucking… And making out. And that other day you wanted me to hold hands with you… Fuck, I guess that is kind of like going out. But even if I knew that how the FUCK am I suppose to remember stupid things like anniversaries? I can barely remember my own birthday!'

'I seriously hope you're joking…' I sigh, rubbing my head. 'And as for how are you to remember? Gee, I dunno – how about the millions of sticky notes I've been attaching to just about everything?'

'…The whaa-? That's absolute bull! There is not one sticky note in this entire apartment-'

**AFTER A QUICK TOUR**

'Hey, jackass, as of Tuesday we've been going out one whole month!' – Fridge

'Tuesday – our anniversary – embed it in your brain! – Cupboard Door

'Kyouya and Nile – official couple of one month as of this Tuesday!' – Bedroom Door

'This Tuesday is important! Because it is our anniversary!' – Bathroom Mirror

'TUESDAY. ANNIVERSARY. REMEMBER THIS!' – TV

'IF YOU DO NOT REMEMBER OUR MONTH-LONG ANNIVERSARY THIS TUESDAY, YOU ARE A FUCKING DEAD MAN!' – I wrote this on his arm while he was sleeping.

'…How long have they all been there? And how have I seriously not noticed them until now?' In his defence, he seems utterly perplexed.

I groan and massage my temples. 'Look, Kyouya, I do not expect a Twilight-style romance, I really don't. Mostly because that would be considered more along the lines of domestic violence. But at least Edward would remember that an anniversary, stupid as it is, is important to Bella, and therefore important to them as a couple!'

'…What the fuck is Twilight?'

'KYOUYA, I WANT YOU TO TAKE ME OUT FOR DINNER!'

'…That's it? Seriously? That's what you wanted? You could have just asked, y'know, instead of wasting valuable Post Its and Sharpie Ink. '

'ItwasaPromarker!… Wait, really? You'll really take me out for dinner?'

'Why not? It is our fucking anniversary after all…'

* * *

'Will you take that face off you? Isn't this what you wanted? There's nothing wrong with this place, look – they even give you a complementary gift!' Kyouya shoves a Storm Trooper action figure in my face, which I instantly swipe away.

'Excuse me if I was looking for something a little more sophisticated than McDonalds!' I sigh, accepting that this is about as sophisticated as this relationship – if you could call it that – is ever going to get.

I guess it could be worse. Physically, I have no complaints. Apart from the fact he is making the Storm Trooper moon the people sitting opposite us, Kyouya looks as fucking hot as ever. Broad-shouldered, tangled dark hair that falls over his forehead into two smouldering dark eyes. I smile to myself. He may not be the biggest romantic in the world, but he is a total beast…

He catches my eye and my smile broadens, and his expression suddenly mirrors mine. I lean in, expecting to kiss, but instead he, once again, holds the Storm Trooper up at eye level.

'Check this little bastard out, look, he's totally sucking himself off…' He cackles, forcing its head to its rear. I growl, grab it from him and toss it on the floor.

'You are a complete MORON. Go buy me an ice cream.'

'Better idea,' He purrs. 'If you want dessert, I can think of something will both taste delicious for you and completely satisfy me.'

'Kyouya, I am not giving you a blowjob!' I shout, then cringe as a couple of people turn to stare at us. 'Ugh, let's just leave… Do not pick up that Storm Trooper! If you pick up that Storm Trooper I am never having sex with you again!' The threat works. He drops it. I don't know why he's so fascinated by it, that bastard's never even seen Star Wars…

* * *

On the way home, he stops to run into a shop and for ten beautiful seconds I actually envision him buying me something even slightly anniversary related. Then I come back down to earth and realize Kyouya Tategami is not, and will never be, an anniversary type of person.

I seriously hope he was kidding about not remember his own birthday though… That's really worrying…

* * *

A box of condoms and a can of whipped cream. That's what he bought. I guess he's meeting me half way.

'Well, it's not the worst day of my life…' I admit, as Kyouya licks cream from my chest.

'Hmm… How many of these stupid anniversary things are we going to have then? Because there is no way in FUCK I'm going out every month.' He suddenly bites down hard, and I moan, digging my fingers into his back.

'Kyouya, it cost you a grand total of seven dollars, I'm not exactly high-maintenance!'

'Too high-maintenance to give me a fuckin' blowjob…' He mumbles into my chest.

'Idiot…' But my mouth curves into a small smile as his head drifts lower and this is the part where we really start celebrating our anniversary…

* * *

**Ugh, shit ending. Sorry. Any ideas for the next chapter? Maybe they go to the zoo? I have no idea… I'll try to update soon!**


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